Humpty Dumpty Is Slowly Being Put Back Together

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Free falling...

I'm free falling.

Bouncing down the steps, 

I found myself

Grasping,

Searching for something to grab.

Then,

Gravity took over.

I hit the floor with a thud.

I had a strange thought.

"This floor is very unforgiving."

My head bounced against a very hard surface.

I felt my teeth rattle.

I immediately yelled to my husband,

"I have fallen, and I am very badly hurt."

Mostly I did that 

Because

I wanted to make sure I could still

Think

and

Speak.

Now, twenty-five days later, yes, it has been twenty-five days, I finally believe I will get better.

I have had two CT scans of my head and neck.  These show no permanent damage.  I have been in the emergency room four times.  During the time that I was recovering, I also suffered from a nasty sinus infection.  Were the headaches from sinus problems, from the fall, or from my neck?  Then, I had a terrible bout with the worst stomach flu I have had in years.  

I have seen and ENT doctor, and believe it or not, and ophthalmologist.  Both of the doctors have been extremely helpful.  I saw the ophthalmologist on the recommendation of my chiropractor.  Many head injuries cause visual problems created by a visual midline shift.  I presented as if this had occurred in me, but when I had the full exam, which was extensive, we found that I am not suffering from a visual midline shift.  If I had been, this condition is treated with prisms in the lens of eye glasses.  

As I said, this ophthalmologist was very through.  He gave many tests.  I failed the test that indicates a  vestibular disorder.  Since I have been struggling with dizziness since this past summer, this makes perfect sense.  The fall probably exacerbated a problem that was already there.  Thankfully, there is a specialist that deals with these problems in Castle Rock, Colorado.  I will be checking into an evaluation and possible treatment by her.

Next week, I will also be meeting with a doctor who treated me a number of years back after I suffered a brain injury due to a chemical exposure at work.  (That is a long story, that I will tell another day.)  He will be doing an evaluation to see what has been going on with me since my fall.  

At that time of my previous injury, I was treated with neurofeedback.  Basically, neurofeedback modifies brain wave activity.  When I first learned about this type of therapy, I was skeptical at best; however, because I was nearly unable to work because of my symptoms after the chemical exposure, I decided to give it a try.  I had excellent results, and after about six months of treatment, I was so much better.  I do not know if he will determine I need additional treatments or not.

In the meantime, each day brings new healing.  I no longer have excruciating headaches.  I am able to read more.  I am able to spend more time on the computer.  I am able to type and make my fingers do what my brain wants them to do.  I am less anxious and not as easily frustrated.  I tire less easily and can accomplish a few things around the house.  I find I am coping with life and those around me better.  I am walking again.   I am not driving yet.  I hope to drive again soon.  

I hope my blogging friends know how much you have meant to me.  I have not responded to your kind comments because I have not been able to do so.  Know that you have encouraged me and made me feel very cared for.  Thank you for the personal notes and emails.  

Blogging friends are the Best!  I hope to be back to my old blogging self soon.

January - Trying to Get Through It

January of 2012 seemed so promising on its second day.  I had high hopes for the day, for the month, for the year.  And, then, in just an instant, everything changed.  I fell down the basement stairs.  I didn't fall far, but I fell hard.  Since that time, I have been mostly absent from life as I knew it.

I have not driven.

I have not read.

I have not written.

I have stayed away from the computer because I cannot tolerate the light from it, 

nor can I tolerate the text I see written on it.  

I do not watch television.

I cannot watch movies.

I cannot tolerate crowds of people.

I cannot tolerate noise.

I prefer darkness over light.

I have focused on getting through each day.

I have focused on believing that I would see light coming through the dark clouds that seemed to always be overhead.

I have tried to hang on to hope:

hope that I would get better,

hope that the pain and dizziness would go away,

hope that I would be myself again.

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Today, I had the best day that I have had in 17 days.  I am finally feeling better.  I am finally believing that I will be better.  We have an action plan as far as how to deal with this injury, and I am sure that in time, I will be better.

My husband has been my constant encourager.  He has allowed me to sit quietly in the dark for hours on end so I could give my brain time to heal.  He has downloaded stories for me to listen to on my iPhone.  He has driven me to get my hair cut so I would feel better about the way I looked.  He has driven me to doctors.  He has been patient.  He has, as always been my champion.  I don't know what I would do without him.

Yesterday, my dear friend from college days told me that her mother always said, "If you can make it through January, you can make it through anything."  True.  January can be so bleak at times.  It can be a harsh month to get through.  I am working on that right now.  I am working on getting through January.

I have missed my blogging friends, but I am not quite ready to read blogs again.  I will check in as I am able.

Writing this post is an accomplishment.  I hope to be back going full steam soon.  I hope you all are well.  I miss you.