September is Suicide Awareness Day

Today, September 10, 2022, is World Suicide Prevention Day.

As I sit down to write about the significance of this month and this day to me personally, I am astounded to think that suicide has had a presence in my life for nearly thirty years.

The possibility of a suicide of one close to me occurred for the first time when my youngest daughter was 18. If she were still alive, she would now be 46.

A close friend of my daughter’s alerted by calling me to tell me that she thought Julie may have taken an overdose of Tylenol in an attempt to end her life. I knew she was depressed, and I worried that she might be suicidal. Then it hit me. My current situation on that spring day in 1994 was no longer hypothetical. There was no “If” about it. My daughter was suicidal. Actually, she was not just suicidal, she had just attempted suicide.

As I entered her room, I noted it appeared she had indeed just taken a large portion of a bottle of Tylenol.  I didn’t know how many pills she had taken, nor did I know when she took them.  Grateful that she had responded to my request to get out of bed and come outside to sit with me on the steps so we could talk, I took a deep breath, prayed a silent prayer for help, and placed my hand on her knee that was a few steps above where I was sitting. 

“Julie,” I said, “I know you have been so sad lately.  I know you have been having problems with your relationships.  I know that you are at a time in life when high school is coming to an end at the same time you have to determine what you will do next in life.  All of this is a lot to handle, especially when you are sad.” 

She looked stoically ahead, not giving me any kind of a glimpse into what she was feeling, or if she even was hearing or processing my words.  I noticed tears forming in her eyes, but they did not fall to her cheeks.  I took her hand; it was cold and stiff and not responsive to my touch, but I enfolded her hand in mine anyway.

“Jules, you’ve taken some pills that could really do some damage to you.  Will you tell me more about this?  Will you tell me how many you took?  You don’t have to tell me why you did this right now, I’d just like to get you some medical help.  I’d like to take you to the hospital.”

For the next sixteen years somehow my family and I, mostly her next oldest sister and I, were able to keep the darkness that would often encamp itself within her soul at bay.

Then, on May 29, 2010, my beloved daughter Julie lost her battle with depression and died by suicide at the age of 34.

Prior to losing Julie to suicide, I would never have thought about arming myself with information regarding suicide prevention. I should have. Julie had threatened and attempted suicide more than once over the years. I thought I knew what I needed to know about talking to her when I recognized that she was in crisis. I thought I recognized signs.

Now, I wonder how I could have been so sadly misinformed.

I find it stunning now that even after her previous attempts, I never sat down with her and went over the risk factors and discussed how some of the behavior I would see in her could indicate that she was highly at risk for attempting suicide again.

I never discussed a plan that could help her, me, or the rest of her family and friends during a time when she might be in crisis.

We didn't have a plan in place.

I don't think we would have had the tools to develop such a plan.

I assumed Julie would always call me, or she would call her sister Amy if she were in crisis.

I assumed we would get her help right away.

I had never even heard the term "completed suicide" before Julie took her life.

That term alone would have terrified me. That would have meant that any attempt had the potential to be

final,

permanent.

That would have meant that my worst fear could have actually happened.

I thought I could deal with her attempts and threats.

I thought I would always have a way to reach her.I never thought she wouldn't give me the opportunity to reach her.

I never believed that my worst fear would actually happen.

My purpose for writing this has to been to increase awareness about preventing suicide. There is hope. There is help. Together, by informing ourselves, and by being observant and proactive, I believe we can can make a difference in lives of those suffering from mental illness or struggling with suicide ideation.

You can be the difference in getting help for someone in need. Your action can create hope for one who is demonstrating that he or she is at risk for suicide.

Do you know the warning signs? Here are some to watch for:

• Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves

• Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun

• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live

• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain

• Talking about being a burden to others

• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs

• Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly

• Sleeping too little or too much

• Withdrawing or isolating themselves

• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge

• Extreme mood swings

Do you know where to find help? This website is a valuable resource: https://988lifeline.org/help-someone-else/

If you think a loved one is a risk, take action. Call 988 for help, or encourage your loved one to call.

Remember these five action steps:

• ASK - Are you thinking about suicide?

• BE THERE - Connections save lives. Make sure you follow through in getting them help in ways they may not be able to do for themselves.

• KEEP THEM SAFE - Establish immediate safety. Do they have a plan? Do they have access to items they could use to attempt suicide?

• HELP THEM CONNECT - Again, connections save lives. 988 Lifeline is an invaluable tool for ongoing support. Also help them establish a safety plan or get help for them.

• FOLLOW UP - Keep showing them you are there for support by texting, calling, visiting.

I will always believe Julie did not wish to lose her battle with an illness that had caused her so much pain in her life and had robbed her of so much. She fought valiantly for many years. She was brave and courageous, but in the end, her illness won. I will never know the last details of her life or how she might have or might not have reached out for help. I only know that she would support every word I have written in this post. She would be the support for any of us. Of that I am one-hundred percent certain.

Now, those of us left must do what we can do to support others with mental illness and who struggle with thoughts of suicide.

Again, be the one who creates hope through action.

Do this to honor Julie.