The seasonal holidays converge in the fall.

Halloween gives way to Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving bumps up against Christmas.

November,

it seems you just might have us on a collision course this year.

I’m trying to make sense of you.

November 2020,

you are like no other November I have ever experienced.

True confession:

November,

I have not even acknowledged your presence in my life.

I’m trying to ignore you.

I know you are here because “hello” I have a calendar,

but if I sit down to write in my journal,

(another true confession)

I don’t really know what month this is,

or what day,

nor do I know how long it is before Thanksgiving.

Another true confession:

I don’t want to think about how we are fast approaching Thanksgiving

and I will not be with my family.

Don’t worry,

November,

my husband,

the realist in the family,

has ordered Thanksgiving Dinner to be delivered to our home,

so someone around here has made some plans.

November,

you’ve made your presences known.

The weather is blustery some days.

The trees are nearly bare, having shed most of their leaves.

The grocery stores,

the only places I go these days,

are selling mums and pumpkins.

I even saw shoppers who plan ahead

and probably even read the grocery ads,

digging through frozen turkeys at Trader Joe’s.

I said to myself when I saw this sight,

“Huh. People are actually buying turkeys.”

Ok, ok, I’ve been out of touch with you, November.

I just don’t know how to do you this year

because this year has seemed way too long.

And now here we are in November which has actually already seemed to be at least a year long.

I’ve tried not to torture my self with memories of Thanksgiving’s past, but I find myself looking with longing at photos from year’s past when we were able to gather with

family for a day of thanksgiving.

Walks down November sidewalks with loved ones now are priceless memories.

November,

just how am I to resolve that this year I will not be with my family?

Before I work through my dissonance regarding this year,

November,

let me remember a few vignettes from November of 2018.

November,

I’ve taken some time to reminisce about one Thanksgiving season from a few years back.

The memories of Thanksgiving 2018 are stored away in that place were all that is wonderful about this holiday live. I am so very blessed with such a dear and wonderful family. My children are so supportive of me and of each other. I do not take that gift of family unity lightly. Our bonds are strong and our devotion to each other is firm. Nothing has changed there.

One hope I have always had for myself and and my children: that we would celebrate and embrace the uniqueness that each of us bring to our family bond and they would seek to always build and affirm that bond and devotion to each other. I'm so very grateful for all of the many, many times I have witnessed and partaken in the fellowship of a family devoted to each other.

November,

family bonds remain strong and firm whether we meet or not.

In fact, they are most strong when we determine that we are doing

“collective decision making”

this year by determining that we will not be together

this year so that we can hopefully meet together for future Thanksgivings.

November,

you, yourself, have not changed.

The world around us has.

November 2020,

I don’t want to miss you.

Henry Rollins has good advice for me.

Doing so has reminded me that we only have today. I believe we live best when we live in the now. That means that I will live best if I don’t let this November slip away. The days left in the year are falling away one by one. Only a few remain. I think of them like the leaves on a tree. The radiant beauty of October has mostly fallen by the wayside.

Each day is a treasure not to be lost.

Soon the days of this November will become memories. I am gathering them together in a journal so I can look back on them and remember them. Perhaps, the records that I am keeping will tell the story that others may some day want to read about how November was experienced when this November was like no other November.

On the sunny days, the days without out blistery winds, I remember a line from another who kept a notebook where he wrote about autumnal days.

On those days when the wind blows, or the snow flies, I remember these words.

November

I am feeling very much like an old woman now.

I’m one who has seen many November days in the past.

Despite my age, I like to think of myself as hardier than I once was.

I didn’t get here without gaining endurance along the way.

I also accept my fragility and my need to celebrate you in a way that is resonates with the times.

November,

I too can celebrate you in a “slightly more subdued” way as “winter tightens its grip.”

November,

I am grateful for every day you give me this year.

You are a month when we express our gratitude and thanksgiving on a day set apart for such expressions.

This year,

November,

you are doing new things.

Help me not forget to learn the new lessons you have for me.

November,

we are nearly at your mid-point.

I think I will go make sure I have the house ready for the upcoming Thanksgiving Day

which will be celebrated at home this year with just my husband.

November,

I’m so grateful that we can do that.

I’ll fill you in on the details later.